Buddha Advise On LOVE

In the Buddhism teaching, many have known, one must let go of all grudges/greed/desire (inclusive of love & compassion) to acquire the wisdom of a true Buddha. Despite Buddha wish that all human can gain such wisdoms, in reality the Buddha respect the compassion exist in humanity; this is what make humanity special and priceless.

Furthermore, in view of what has been said about "birth and suffering," some people have criticized Buddhism saying that is against married life. They are wrong. The Buddha never spoke against married life; however, he pointed out all the problems, difficulties and worries that people would have to face when they take on the responsibility of marriage. Just because he warned one against problems in marriage does not mean that the Buddha condemned marriage.

As a result, Buddha presents the wisdom of compassion to humanity, in order for humans to reach a great and sustaining happiness in their human life-time. 

Such philosophy have become more and more essential as humans being pollute with all the surrounding materialistic possession and society influence; where most of the humans have lost the understanding of what compassionate happiness is.


In elaboration, curiosity drives humans to find out about the facts of life, through peer teaching/influences and multimedia-info reading; before long, we find ourselves on the threshold of adulthood, the crucial time in our life when we look for a suitable companionship that will put to the test with all the qualities that we have acquired earlier in life as well as society influence comes into picture. In result the acquisition of distorted ideas regarding to love, sex, and marriage. Love, sex, and marriage then become matters of great importance in determine the quality of the companionship's life we will have.  


In the "Sigalovada Sutta (尸迦羅越經)," the Buddha gives guidance and philosophy on how to maintain peace and harmony in the home between couples in order to achieve a happy companionship for life (Please refer to the below context).

Love
There are different kinds of love; the motherly love, brotherly love, sensual love, emotional love, sexual love, selfish love, selfless love and universal love.



If people develop only their carnal or selfish love towards each other, that type of love cannot last long. In a true love relationship, one should not ask how much one can get, but how much one can give.When beauty, complexion, youth and/or even wealth start to fade away; a person who considers only the physical aspects of love may think of acquiring another better one. This is animalism type of love.
Sadly to say, most people married are due to financial aspect (e.g. most Singaporean marriage are based on getting a HDB flats)


If one really develops love as an expression of human concern for another being, he/she will not lay emphasis only on the external beauty and physical attractiveness of his/her partner. The beauty and attractiveness of his/her partner should be in his/her heart and mind, not in what being seen by the eyes. Likewise, no one should ever neglect each other even if either party has become old, poor or sick.

"I have a fear that the modern girl loves to be Juliet to have a dozen Romeos. She loves adventure . . .The modern girl dresses not to protect herself from wind, rain and sun, but to attract attention. She improves upon nature by painting herself and looking extraordinary."  – Gandhi



Pleasure
People by nature like to indulge in worldly pleasures, be it good or bad obsessions. The Good refers to the enjoyment of music, poetry, dance, good food, dress and similar pursuits that do no harm to the body; whereas the bad refers to the addictions and abusing of drugs, food/drinks and dangerous fun that will harm the body. They only distract us from seeing the fleeting nature and uncertainty of existence and thereby delay our being to perceive the true nature of the self.


The faculties and senses of humans are very sensitive and alert; they are very keen to satisfy all the five senses. Almost every day, they plan and think out ways and means to experience some form of pleasure.


By the very nature of existence, one will never be completely satisfied with whatever pleasure one experiences and the resultant craving in turn only creates more anxieties and worries.

When we think deeply about it, we can understand that life is nothing but a dream. In the end, what do we gain from attachment to this life? Only more worries, disappointments and frustrations. We may have enjoyed brief moments of pleasure, but in the final analysis, we must try to find out what the real purpose of our lives is.


When one ceases to crave for sensual pleasure and does not seek to find physical comfort in the company of others, the need for marriage does not arise. Suffering and worldly enjoyment are both the outcome of craving, attachment and emotion. If we try to control and suppress our emotions by adopting unrealistic tactics we create disturbances in our mind and in our physical body. Therefore we must know how to handle and control our human passion. Without abusing or misusing this passion, we can cultivate our desires through proper understanding. 

The Concept Of Marriage
The act of marriage itself implies that a person is still more attached to the physical world and since our mental faculties are influenced by craving, attachment and human emotions, it is but natural that problems would arise. This happens when we have to consider the need of others and to give in to what others need. 

According to Buddhist teaching, in a marriage, the one can expect the following qualities from his/her partner: love, attentiveness, family obligations, faithfulness, child-care, thrift, tenderness, courtesy, sociability, security, fairness, loyalty, honesty, good companionship, moral support, the provision of meals, to calm him down when he is upset, and sweetness in everything; vice versa in return. 
Apart from these emotional and sensual aspects, the couple will have to take care of day-to-day living conditions, family budget and social obligations. Thus, mutual consultations between each other on all family problems would help to create an atmosphere of trust and understanding in resolving whatever issues that may arise.



The Buddha's Advice to a Couple
In advising about the roles in married life, the Buddha appreciated that the peace and harmony of a home rested largely on both parties. His advice was realistic and practical when he explained a good number of day-to-day characteristics, which a one should or should not cultivate. 

On diverse occasions, the Buddha counselled that one should:

• not harbour evil thoughts against one's partner;

• not be cruel, harsh or domineering;

• not be spendthrift but should be economical and live within one's means;

• guard and save one's partner's hard-earned earnings and property;

• always be attentive and chaste in mind and action;

• be faithful and harbour no thought of any adulterous acts;

• be refined in speech and polite in action;

• be kind, industrious and hard-working;

• be thoughtful and compassionate towards one's partner, and his/her attitude should equate that of a mother/father's love and concern;

• be modest and respectful;

• be cool, calm and understanding--serving not only as a partner but also as a friend and adviser when the need arises. 

In Conclusion
These symbolic practices have been carried out from time immemorial in Buddhist communities. Unfortunately it is in danger of dying out because of the influence of modern civilization.


Nevertheless, these advices given over twenty-five centuries ago, still stands relevant in current contexts. Knowing the psychology of every humans who tends to consider themselves superior, the Buddha made a remarkable uplifted that suggest both parties in a relationship should honour and respect each. 

Reference & Edited from:
http://www.bloomingpost.com/2016/02/what-buddha-said-about-love-sex.html#vU5lqDrDTVMx28Jy.99